Saigon’s Got Me Twisted

July 2, 2010 § 3 Comments

This was just a bizarre week.  It all started with my boy Big Mal who couldn’t get a flight back to the US as he’s doing the budget traveler on mileage thing so what I thought would be recovery time ended up resulting in a few more nights out. The result of that was another ladies night at Lush. One of my favorite M.O.s is to hit up massage or a beer garden where the girls get off between 8-10:30 and then try to get them to come out clubbing. I figured, what better place than Le Duyen 4. Le Duyen is a little tricky, the girls there are expert flirts and they lie through their teeth about going out… just the type of challenge I like!  As I was deciding which girl I wanted to mack on, a group of 15+ Chinese dudes came in and went straight upstairs.  This left me with one little newbie clingy to my arm so I figured, wtf, might as well give her a shot.  This is where things got strange… She started my head wash with a kiss on my lips which took me by complete surprise, especially since my eyes were closed.  For those of you who have never been to Le Duyen, this is extremely bizarre.  They flirt, but never do anything, especially with people around.  She ended my head wash by biting my chin. With her clinging to my arm, we headed upstairs to the massage room.

Typically, if you go with a friend, you get a room shared by the two of you.  With Big Mal and his girl on the table next to me, my girl started my massage.  Once she got to my legs I had to do a double take and make sure I wasn’t in My Anh down the street as she wasn’t too concerned with a typical massage but seemed much more focused on my nuts.  I told my boy I can’t decide if this is the best massage I’ve had at Le Duyen or the worst as there was obviously no way she was going to try and top it off.  She proceeded to position herself to where her co-worker couldn’t quite see what she was doing, then placed my hand right on her rack… They were tucked away but, I must say, felt like some pretty nice jugs.  We exchanged phone numbers, she said she’d come to the club, then, of course, flaked out! I’ll be back for her…

I had about 30% left on a bottle  at Lush which I had to use up so we got my favorite little booth by the DJ. The night was pretty packed, sadly, without a lot of cuties.  There was one, well, not such a cutie, but none-the-less, a girl who just kept staring at my friend.  She started with a toast, then set her bag at the table, then started rubbing up on my friend, then tried to make out with him… Big Mal wasn’t having any of it though as she had a little too much resemblance to the grim reaper.

The week got even stranger as we went to this new massage place.  I’m gonna have to go back as I’m an idiot and didn’t take a card so I don’t remember the exact name or the exact address.  This place was a trip.  5-10 security outside even though it looked normal enough.  VIP room was only 200,000 VND ($11 USD) so we tried that out.  Inside the room was steam, sauna and a jacuzzi tub.  The girl was super frisky, although, a bit annoying as she wanted to talk a lot more than I did.  The bath was great though… She stripped me down, gave a little hand rub, then proceeded to wash EVERY part of me.  Best bath I’ve had since my soapie in Phuket!  Then, it got weird. I had the TV on, sadly watching Federer get ousted from Wimbledon.  Her massage was awful and only lasted about 10 minutes.  When she had enough rubbing, she started licking using this weird fast motion.  And she licked everywhere.  I’d tell her to stop, and she’d just start somewhere else, everywhere but the one spot I wanted her to.  I don’t know about you but I’m not really a fan of someone licking my toes or my ass.  Finally, I just gently grabbed her by the head and eased her over to the preferred area.  And yes, she did finish up the job as any good girl should.  Freaking weird place though.  My boy Texas C said he had the same experience there with the licking.  I guess that’s their M.O.

It couldn’t get any weirder though when we went back to my favorite spot, Tram Trim.  White Boy Barry, my tennis partner in crime and self professed alcoholic, only drank one beer.  What the hell is this world coming to!


Massage in Saigon – Part One

June 7, 2010 § 4 Comments

Whether you want therapeutically effective or pure rub and tug, Saigon has it all.  Living here, I probably spend about 10% of my time awake getting a massage.  There are basically four types of massage here:

  1. Spa Style — this is what you’d expect in the Western world.  Choices of styles, good service, very clean, and, expensive.  Examples of this would be The Spa at the Manor or anyone of the hotel spas.  I’m not an expert in this space as it’s all a bit expensive for my tastes.
  2. Foot Massage — Usually Japanese themed, this to me is the best bargain for a good quality massage. I used to think “why the hell would i want someone just rubbing my feet?”.  But, one back injury and 100 massages later, i’m convinced this is the way to go.  They typically also do a 90 minute session that includes a full body rub.  These types of massages are almost always done in a room with other people.  The one downside to this is Vietnamese and their cel phones can be VERY annoying if you’re just looking to relax.  I stick with one place almost exclusively called Yuan foot massage.  It caters to a Japanese crowd.  $8 for an hour, $12 for 90 minutes, including tip.  They serve great tea and are very professional.  They have both guys and girls who do massage there, although it’s primarily girls.  They aren’t cute, but, these little girls can put some serious pain on you.  Ask for #5 or #11 and you will not be disappointed.  Sorry guys, no happy endings here.
  3. Salon Style — There are quite a few of these places in town, most are actually pretty good.  I typically go to one of three, Le Duyen 4, DMax or Duyen Dang 3. What you get here is a mix between therapeutic massage, facial, manicure, hair cuts and really whatever else you want from a treatment standpoint.  The girls at the places mentioned are HOT, smoking hot.  They dress very sexy and give excellent service.  The Goi Dau, or hair wash is an amazing thirty minutes of relaxation.  I will typically spend about 2 hours there getting a hair wash, which, is really a long facial under warm water and massage.  The massage is good, typically they use hot stones on your back with just a little bit of oil.  They also do this knee rub thing that feels great. Some days, when I’m hung over (wait, that’s most days), I have the girls bring me some Pho (soup) or a Banh Mi (sandwich) and I’ll chill in the VIP massage and watch some TV.  Cost is 120,000VND ($6.50) for regular and 250,000VND ( $13) for VIP.  Tips here are usually 100,000 VND ($5.50) to 300,000 VND ($16.50).  There is no freaky stuff at these places either so, prepare yourself for ecstasy minus the release.  Sometimes the girls there will meet you up for coffee at night or go clubbing.  Typically though, they work long, hard days so don’t be too offended if you have trouble getting one to go out with you.
  4. And… the moment you all have been waiting for, the Rub and Tug… But, you’re gonna have to wait for Part Two to post for that.

Massage Locations

  • Yuan Foot Massage – 15B Le Thanh Ton Street
  • Le Duyen 4 –  – 72 – 74, Truong Dinh Street, Ben Thanh Ward, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City
  • Duyen Dang 3 –  44, Truong Dinh Street, Ben Thanh Ward, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City
  • Dmax – 9A, Ton That Tung Street, Pham Ngu Lao Ward, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City
  • The Spa at the Manor – 91 Nguyen Huu Canh Street

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