Saigon’s Got Me Twisted

July 2, 2010 § 3 Comments


This was just a bizarre week.  It all started with my boy Big Mal who couldn’t get a flight back to the US as he’s doing the budget traveler on mileage thing so what I thought would be recovery time ended up resulting in a few more nights out. The result of that was another ladies night at Lush. One of my favorite M.O.s is to hit up massage or a beer garden where the girls get off between 8-10:30 and then try to get them to come out clubbing. I figured, what better place than Le Duyen 4. Le Duyen is a little tricky, the girls there are expert flirts and they lie through their teeth about going out… just the type of challenge I like!  As I was deciding which girl I wanted to mack on, a group of 15+ Chinese dudes came in and went straight upstairs.  This left me with one little newbie clingy to my arm so I figured, wtf, might as well give her a shot.  This is where things got strange… She started my head wash with a kiss on my lips which took me by complete surprise, especially since my eyes were closed.  For those of you who have never been to Le Duyen, this is extremely bizarre.  They flirt, but never do anything, especially with people around.  She ended my head wash by biting my chin. With her clinging to my arm, we headed upstairs to the massage room.

Typically, if you go with a friend, you get a room shared by the two of you.  With Big Mal and his girl on the table next to me, my girl started my massage.  Once she got to my legs I had to do a double take and make sure I wasn’t in My Anh down the street as she wasn’t too concerned with a typical massage but seemed much more focused on my nuts.  I told my boy I can’t decide if this is the best massage I’ve had at Le Duyen or the worst as there was obviously no way she was going to try and top it off.  She proceeded to position herself to where her co-worker couldn’t quite see what she was doing, then placed my hand right on her rack… They were tucked away but, I must say, felt like some pretty nice jugs.  We exchanged phone numbers, she said she’d come to the club, then, of course, flaked out! I’ll be back for her…

I had about 30% left on a bottle  at Lush which I had to use up so we got my favorite little booth by the DJ. The night was pretty packed, sadly, without a lot of cuties.  There was one, well, not such a cutie, but none-the-less, a girl who just kept staring at my friend.  She started with a toast, then set her bag at the table, then started rubbing up on my friend, then tried to make out with him… Big Mal wasn’t having any of it though as she had a little too much resemblance to the grim reaper.

The week got even stranger as we went to this new massage place.  I’m gonna have to go back as I’m an idiot and didn’t take a card so I don’t remember the exact name or the exact address.  This place was a trip.  5-10 security outside even though it looked normal enough.  VIP room was only 200,000 VND ($11 USD) so we tried that out.  Inside the room was steam, sauna and a jacuzzi tub.  The girl was super frisky, although, a bit annoying as she wanted to talk a lot more than I did.  The bath was great though… She stripped me down, gave a little hand rub, then proceeded to wash EVERY part of me.  Best bath I’ve had since my soapie in Phuket!  Then, it got weird. I had the TV on, sadly watching Federer get ousted from Wimbledon.  Her massage was awful and only lasted about 10 minutes.  When she had enough rubbing, she started licking using this weird fast motion.  And she licked everywhere.  I’d tell her to stop, and she’d just start somewhere else, everywhere but the one spot I wanted her to.  I don’t know about you but I’m not really a fan of someone licking my toes or my ass.  Finally, I just gently grabbed her by the head and eased her over to the preferred area.  And yes, she did finish up the job as any good girl should.  Freaking weird place though.  My boy Texas C said he had the same experience there with the licking.  I guess that’s their M.O.

It couldn’t get any weirder though when we went back to my favorite spot, Tram Trim.  White Boy Barry, my tennis partner in crime and self professed alcoholic, only drank one beer.  What the hell is this world coming to!

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