Man I’ve been Lazy

October 21, 2010 § Leave a comment



I went back to the states for a month and I think that’s what got me in a writing funk as there is next to nothing to do in my hometown.  I happened to see Coolio at my buddy’s bar and that was probably the most god-awful thing i’ve ever seen.  Well, until I went to Shampoo in Manila last weekend.  I did take a trip to Vegas and the Rehab party at the Hard Rock was cool but it’s so far lost in my drunken memory that i can’t write much on it.  I have started collecting business cards as I figure a scanned version would be a nice touch for you guys to download and give to cabs.  I will get an admin to work on this and will get them all scanned in once I figure out how best to organize.

Since my last post I went to:

Hua Hin – Thailand — this place is quiet.  A few bars, some really nice (but not cute girls) and one amazing Italian restaurant called Lo Stivale located at 132 Naresdamri Rd right across from the Hilton.  I can’t say enough about this place, old skool Italian guy cooking up a storm.  If you want a relaxing trip with a decent beach and a little fun to be had, Hua Hin is not a bad place to go.  Bar fines are really cheap and it’s just real laid back and friendly.

Vung Tau – Vietnam — If you want to hit up a local style beach and have a lot of bars to party and find girls, Vung Tao is the place.  It’s a quick 1.5 hour boat ride from Saigon so you can easily bolt over and do 1-2 nights.  If you want a decent cheap hotel, check out Vitamin C located at 18 Nguyen Truong To Street – The number is (+064) 3553 738.  There is a wild karaoke / massage place called the Pacific Club located at 4 Ly Tu Trong street.  You can get a karaoke room, get wasted, then go over to massage and, well, you know… I didn’t think too highly of any of the bars.  They were ok, but all pretty much the same, fun, drunk nights with decent girls.  Good place to party, not a place to find top talent

Bangkok — Hung out on Soi Cowboy a bit as well as Soy 33.  BKK is, well, BKK.  Found an awesome bar called Mojos on Soi 33.  — — girls were smoking, food was good, live band, not a bad combo.  I also highly recommend the IStyle Trend hotel which you can book on  Top notch and i paid < $50 a night.

Angeles City — Ah, yes, i went back with my boy Big Mal and his even bigger boy, E.  3 nights there almost killed me.  I pretty much stuck with a few spots again, Atlantis, Forbidden City, Genesis, and few others i can’t remember.  This trip caused me to want to change the name of my blog as my new motto is Two Bitches and a Bottle — And it’s affordable in Angeles!  I stayed at the Wild Orchid because everything was sold out and it was weak.  For $100 a night the only good part was the pool.  The service sucked, food sucked, and they are putting additional floors on the building so it was extremely loud from noon til 10pm.  My sleeping hours!

My boys are in Pattaya now so I”ll try to get a guest post out of them.  Next month i’m headed to Guangzhou for the Asia games and possibly Bali so I’ll be sure to get more posts going.  I have a lot of pages to update in my business section so I”ll be primarily working on that until November.

peace love and happiness will all happen if you get out of the US


Saigon’s Got Me Twisted

July 2, 2010 § 3 Comments

This was just a bizarre week.  It all started with my boy Big Mal who couldn’t get a flight back to the US as he’s doing the budget traveler on mileage thing so what I thought would be recovery time ended up resulting in a few more nights out. The result of that was another ladies night at Lush. One of my favorite M.O.s is to hit up massage or a beer garden where the girls get off between 8-10:30 and then try to get them to come out clubbing. I figured, what better place than Le Duyen 4. Le Duyen is a little tricky, the girls there are expert flirts and they lie through their teeth about going out… just the type of challenge I like!  As I was deciding which girl I wanted to mack on, a group of 15+ Chinese dudes came in and went straight upstairs.  This left me with one little newbie clingy to my arm so I figured, wtf, might as well give her a shot.  This is where things got strange… She started my head wash with a kiss on my lips which took me by complete surprise, especially since my eyes were closed.  For those of you who have never been to Le Duyen, this is extremely bizarre.  They flirt, but never do anything, especially with people around.  She ended my head wash by biting my chin. With her clinging to my arm, we headed upstairs to the massage room.

Typically, if you go with a friend, you get a room shared by the two of you.  With Big Mal and his girl on the table next to me, my girl started my massage.  Once she got to my legs I had to do a double take and make sure I wasn’t in My Anh down the street as she wasn’t too concerned with a typical massage but seemed much more focused on my nuts.  I told my boy I can’t decide if this is the best massage I’ve had at Le Duyen or the worst as there was obviously no way she was going to try and top it off.  She proceeded to position herself to where her co-worker couldn’t quite see what she was doing, then placed my hand right on her rack… They were tucked away but, I must say, felt like some pretty nice jugs.  We exchanged phone numbers, she said she’d come to the club, then, of course, flaked out! I’ll be back for her…

I had about 30% left on a bottle  at Lush which I had to use up so we got my favorite little booth by the DJ. The night was pretty packed, sadly, without a lot of cuties.  There was one, well, not such a cutie, but none-the-less, a girl who just kept staring at my friend.  She started with a toast, then set her bag at the table, then started rubbing up on my friend, then tried to make out with him… Big Mal wasn’t having any of it though as she had a little too much resemblance to the grim reaper.

The week got even stranger as we went to this new massage place.  I’m gonna have to go back as I’m an idiot and didn’t take a card so I don’t remember the exact name or the exact address.  This place was a trip.  5-10 security outside even though it looked normal enough.  VIP room was only 200,000 VND ($11 USD) so we tried that out.  Inside the room was steam, sauna and a jacuzzi tub.  The girl was super frisky, although, a bit annoying as she wanted to talk a lot more than I did.  The bath was great though… She stripped me down, gave a little hand rub, then proceeded to wash EVERY part of me.  Best bath I’ve had since my soapie in Phuket!  Then, it got weird. I had the TV on, sadly watching Federer get ousted from Wimbledon.  Her massage was awful and only lasted about 10 minutes.  When she had enough rubbing, she started licking using this weird fast motion.  And she licked everywhere.  I’d tell her to stop, and she’d just start somewhere else, everywhere but the one spot I wanted her to.  I don’t know about you but I’m not really a fan of someone licking my toes or my ass.  Finally, I just gently grabbed her by the head and eased her over to the preferred area.  And yes, she did finish up the job as any good girl should.  Freaking weird place though.  My boy Texas C said he had the same experience there with the licking.  I guess that’s their M.O.

It couldn’t get any weirder though when we went back to my favorite spot, Tram Trim.  White Boy Barry, my tennis partner in crime and self professed alcoholic, only drank one beer.  What the hell is this world coming to!

The Kid Who Jacked My Air Hockey Paddle

June 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

Sorya Mall Cambodian Kid

The Kid Who Jacked Me

I think it’s a sign that I’m just not really meant to have kids!  Between my mischievous ways, notorious travel habit, and sense of selfish irresponsibility, it’s probably just not going to happen.  This past weekend, with my friend in town we headed out to Phnom Penh.  The last ten days were just brutal so I really haven’t written as much as I liked.  The ten day agenda went something like this — Angeles City – 2 days, Manila – 2 days – Saigon 3 days (1 day was rest) – Phnom Penh– 3 days.  Each day was somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 shots of vodka (rest days not included).

I did my best to rally hard for Phnom Penh, being the end of the adventure with my friend from the US.  We pretty much hopped every bar on streets 136 and 8 but just ended up at my usual spot, the 69 bar.  I wish i could post my boys pic on line as he literally was getting a 10 hand massage (that’s 5 chicks for those of you still trying to get by 2nd grade math).  I snuggled up with three of the same girls I hooked up with on my last trip.  We bounced around for a bit, ended up back at 69 where I proceeded to bar fine 4 girls for $28 to head to the club.  This time we checked out a “hi-so” club (my local buddy’s phrase for high society) called Platinum.  Bottle of Smirnoff was still only $40.  Other liquor was all pretty cheap as well.  If you’re like me and enjoy clubs and the GFE(girl friend experience) the bar/bar fine/clubbing route is not a bad way to go.

Back to the kid… We were supposed to leave after two nights but the bus was packed and I was seriously hung over after two straight nights with the same agenda.  On the way back to the Lux Riverside, I got a text from a girl by the name of Leak from the Rose bar. After lying in bed for 2 hours motionless, I decided some pizza with her and her sister was a good way to go.  Be forewarned fellas who haven’t traveled much, girls from the bars look a LOT different when you meet them at night than they will when you see them the next day.  Liquor, lighting and make up are a man’s worst enemies when it comes to scouting talent!  We met up with the girls at Sorya mall and got a couple of pies at the Pizza Company.  After that, the girls wanted to head upstairs and play some games.  Another FYI — if you want to make an Asian girl happy, load up your iPhone with a bunch of games, suggest playing games at the mall, and have a nintendo wii back in your room!  It all started out harmless enough with some air hockey.  My friend played Leak’s sister and I just observed.  After the first couple points, a small crowd of kids and adults had gathered around to watch this big ol black dude and tiny little Cambodian girl battle it out.  When it was my turn to play, we got to just a couple points each when the puck slid off the table.  The cute kid in the pic picked it up, set it back down, the proceeded to grab the paddle out of my hand.  I looked across the table and, same same, his homie straight jacked my girl without a word being said… Gangsta.  I thought about throwing down but my head was still buzzing from the night before and i really didn’t want to get my ass kicked by an 8 year old.

Next up was the roller coaster… well, sort of.  The girls talked me into these $4 tickets to some “game” as they called it.  I thought it was some crazy shooter or something and didn’t pay much mind, well, it was a damn roller coaster simulator!  Drinking 8/10 nights and pizza is a BAD combination to pair up with a roller coaster simulator… 3 minutes later I was thanking the powers above that we were on the way back to the hotel to watch TV as she suggested.  3 sessions later, she was headed home in the morning and I was on the way to the car we rented and feeling much better! And… she didn’t even ask me for money!  Amazing, there is love in the world.  Being the nice guy I am I still dropped her a $50 and told her to buy her mom something cool.

Moral of the story, girls will like you a lot more if you actually have fun with them, even if that fun comes at the expense of your man hood being jacked away by an 8 year old!

Manila – Broke My Pocket Book and Much Much more

June 22, 2010 § Leave a comment

cute asian girl

looking for an angel, found the devil

I really wanted to meet normal girls, other than my hot ass receptionist from the hotel named Jewel, so we hit the hot spot known as the Fort which is home to a few high end hot spots like the Embassy night club.  On a Monday night though it was like crickets over there.  We did stop and get a quick drink and some dessert at Cafe Puccini which is some awesome food. I’d been to the Fort a few times before but it had always been on the weekend and always was pleasing to the eye. Sadly, that was before my blogging ambitions so I don’t have much about those nights documented.

Figuring there was no chance to meet a good girl on  Monday night, we decided to head out to Asian Entertainment.  Of course, taxi drivers are the ONLY people who can’t really speak much English in Manila so we ended up at the wrong place! Being the easy going guys we are we decided to try out this Edsa International Entertainment Complex.  For those who have been to Thailand or Singapore, Edsa is very similar to Nana Plaza or Orchard Towers (fondly known as the four floors of whores).  Edsa is a nicer version of the “gogo bar” / mall concept. Three years ago I was so shocked when I first laid eyes on Nana Plaza.  Now, it just all seems normal.  Being my last night in Manila, I definitely wanted to throw down so I started doing double Vodka Soda drinks with two little cuties named Rose and Rita. We popped into 6 or 7 spots and they all are really about the same.  Music is a little different, some are slightly themed, some bigger than others, but at the end of the day, this was really nothing special.  If you want to see a write up on all the bars, this guy seems to have done a pretty good job here.

Eight shots in I was pretty lit and having a good time with my two new friends who, surprise surprise were professing their love to me.  My doubles were running 360 pesos ($7.50 USD) and the girls drinks were 190 Pesos ($4 USD) so my bill was going up pretty quick.  Typically when buzzed i like to talk business so I had my little cutie told me some of their economics:

  1. Girls make $150 a month salary
  2. Girls keep 50 Pesos per drink ($1)
  3. Typical tip is about 100 Pesos ($2.50) — I never tip less than $5 an hour personally…

My boys were both bored so we decided to seek out our original destination. Turns out it was only a few minutes away so our cabby made out with the 100 pesos he was asking for.  The first thing that struck me about Asian Entertainment is they were VERY serious about cameras, taking not only my camera, but all of our cel phones as well. The mommy seemed really friendly at first explaining the various fees, showing us some girls, talking up a storm.  That quickly went south though as after we ordered a bottle and had our first drinks they brought us receipts to sign, one being for 1950 Pesos for a cover charge, which, they neglected to tell us about.  At first I was a bit heated and wasted 7 minutes of my life lecturing the mommy on customer service and full disclosure… TIA though (this is asia) and, at the end of the day, there is little to no service, they are out for the moment not long term business relationships so, you just have to throw your hands up, realize they have you by the balls and you’re about to get fucked.

So, I did what the 48 Laws of Power author Robert Greene recommended, turn your enemy into your ally.  Realizing we were pot committed having opened the bottle already, I pulled the mommy aside, gave her a 500 peso ($10 USD) tip and told her that I understood what she was going through and that I hoped she understood me.  It worked like a charm.  One of my friends was too irritated and went home, 1 bottle later, my other boy and I were lit and mommy was bringing over some of the hottest girls in the place.  Since they took credit cards, it was on… 2 hours, $300 and 1 karaoke room later I was banging this dime and loving every minute of my decision to befriend mommy.  We closed the joint down and mommy (Julie Chavez is her name) hooked us up with her personal cabby who ended up taking care of us through til our 7am flight.

I HIGHLY recommend Asian Entertainment if you have the money to spend there.  The service was amazing.  With a dime on each arm, I didn’t even mind the guy massaging my shoulders then asking for some tip later.

The night ended with me first trying to get a mobile unit from P Burgos to give me a blow job in the cab on the way to the airport.  She agreed for 1000 Pesos ($22 USD) but the cabby was a bit hesitant as it was light out and the cops were out!  I was totally lit still when we rolled into the airport, hitting on custom officials and fellow passengers with no discrimination for age or beauty.

Angeles City – Day Two

June 21, 2010 § Leave a comment

I must say, I had a lot of fun on Day One so, I was PSYCHED to get day two going… After the mall and some grub, we headed back to the hotel for a little r&r and of course, my previous blog post.  While I rarely get hangovers, I do tend to feel tired after six hours of travelling, 3 hours of drinking and 3 more hours of….   So, massage seemed like the best bet. About two blocks from the Royal Amsterdam (i’m bad with direction so, leave the hotel and turn left), I found a little spot called Aimee Massage.  I didn’t really know what to expect and, after three rounds the previous night I was actually happy to find it was a legit place with no freaky stuff.  The girl was pretty cute, although, the other girls there were a bit older and, well, not cute.  I definitely enjoyed the light oil and deep rub down.

Refreshed, I met up with my boy who was just people watching from the front of our hotel. He said after an hour of chilling outside, eating Chocolate Chex mix, he probably saw 50% of the girls working in town, including, both our girls from the previous night.  I guess the jeepney’s drop off on the far side of the hotel, by McDonalds and the majority of the bars are on the opposite side, so, they just walk right past… Good thing to keep in mind if you want to people watch is most good looking girls start between 5-7pm and leave between 3-4:30am. Later, he had another revelation… If you want to take a girl home, see a more realistic view of what you’re gonna get, and, don’t want to pay a bar fine, hang out on Fields street, ideally at a nice table like we had in front of our hotel, and just invite them in.

My night started looking for happy hour specials.  Seems about 1/2 the spots on the strip have a happy hour of some sort happy hour, usually about 25% off drinks.  Forbidden City had an all you can drink beer dealio, which, I don’t do but could definitely appeal to some of you out there. I had a few drinks up until 8pm (typical happy hour ending time), then headed back for a quick shower.  This is where it went slightly downhill, we literally went to about 10 other bars and, they all taste like chicken… Nothing too special.  Angel Witch which gets a lot of pub was pretty god awful.  So… we ended back at the two old faithfuls, Forbidden City and Atlantis, both of which did not fail to please.  Atlantis had some real cool shows which I’m in the process of posting up on my new youtube channel.  Forbidden City was also pretty cool with the shows.  I felt a bit bad leaving my girl from there as I really did have a good time the night before.  I thought for sure I was gonna hook up with her again until….  A waitress from Atlantis came calling,  All of us ended up with girls that night from Atlantis, although, none of us bar fined anyone,  as we just met up post 4am.  If you’re down to party late, that is the only way to go and, doesn’t seem too tough to pull off.  I had another amazing night with my little waitress friend.  Sadly, we had to leave the next day as we headed off to Manila

Angeles City – Day One

June 21, 2010 § Leave a comment

For Vegetarians?

For Vegetarians?

We took a flight from Saigon which was about 2 hours on Philippine airlines.  You know you are on an Asian airline when you see a food item that says “A great choice for vegetarians… stuffed with chopped prawns and minced pork…”  uh?  I digress…
Upon landing we immediately hopped in a car which we pre-arranged from the restaurant Margaritaville which someone recommended on Trip Advisor.  This cost us 2750 Pesos ($60 USD).  The driver was great and was pretty heavy on the pedal which I can appreciate.  The drive is about 2 hours so all in all we had about a 5 hour journey to get here.  Man, was it worth it… This place is off the chain.  I’m gonna have to write more after my massage but, here is a quick recap of the night.

Got to the Hotel Royal Amsterdam, checked in pretty quick, them met up with a buddy who traveled separately at a bar called Insomnia.  It was a smaller, gogo style bar. Drinks were 95 Pesos ($2 USD).  My boy was into throwing the ping pong balls at the girls.  Same little dealio they do in Bangkok where the girls get a little bit of money if they catch them.  I don’t know, not my favorite thing to do especially when the bill on that came to 400 pesos ($8).  I’d rather just tip out girls I like.  After Insomnia, we bounced to a few bars, which were not worth mentioning, before we ended up atAtlantisAtlantis is a NICE bar, huge at that.  It is two levels and lays claims to over 100 girls.  Two of my boys ended up taking girls home at a 1500 Pesos ($32 USD) bar fine.  Tips were about 1000 Pesos ($21).  The girls typically keep half the bar fine from what i understand.  My final stop of the night (after hopping about 15 bars) was the Forbidden City.  This is one of the newer bars in town with a very Chinese like theme as the name would state.  The girls were really friendly and not push at all about money which is something I really like about the PI and Cambodia vs. say Vietnam.  I ended up taking this little cutie named Linh home and man, it was good… Bar fine here was a bit more though, 2500 Pesos ($54 USD) and i tipped 1000 Pesos ($21).  She stayed the night, seemed to really like sex and I took her to SM Mall the next day for some food and a little Filipino Idol…

Advice From a Professional Drinker

June 15, 2010 § Leave a comment

Pretty Drunk

Don't Be This Girl

I used to tell people back in the night club days that I was a professional drinker. Girls would look at me like I was crazy, telling me that it was just not possible.  So, I’d ask them to define professional, which sadly most couldn’t do. One of the dictionary definitions of a professional is “following as a business an occupation ordinarily engaged in as a pastime.”  Last I checked, most people drink for fun, I used to do it for money. 3-5 nights a week for 7 years I was out in the club scene, throwing back a couple drinks with customers whom were either attending my parties or whom I was trying to get to come to my parties.  Part of making them feel comfortable was my having a drink with them.  Say no more, i’m a registered expert.

Hangovers generally consist of a headache and a stomach ache.  These are caused by two things, dehydration and stomach acid. Alcohol is pretty brutal on your body

So here are some tips to help you stay relatively hangover free:

  1. Before you go out, pop an ibuprofen and an antacid
  2. Don’t drink mixed drinks such as Long Islands.  Bad liquor and Sugar is a BAD mix
  3. Eat, but don’t eat too much
  4. Drink 1/2 a glass of water for every ounce of alcohol
  5. Drink at least one full glass of water before you sleep
  6. Try not to wake up with a fat chick next to you – fastest way to an upset stomach.

Granted, if you decide to drink yourself to the brink of death and wind up with alcohol poisoning, all that might be left for you is a trip to the ER for a nice long IV…. Anyone know if I can buy IV’s on the open market, man, those feel good.

Happy Drinking