Vung Tizzle Gangstas

December 26, 2011 § Leave a comment


As I was driving to Vung Tau (a local beach in Vietnam, not beautiful, but fun as hell) I threw on an old play list on my ipod labeled Gangsta… I know, I know, I grew up in the suburbs so I can’t say I know much about the life but… I must say, there is some serious wisdom found in the lyrics of the prestigious rap group known as the Ghetto Boys… See below…

For those of you travelling to SE Asia for the first time, looking for love, keep in mind one thing, you gotta let a ho be a ho… Now, that’s not to say all girls are hos, but, for the most part, if you are here on a quick hit holiday, you can be sure girls you meet know as much and will most likely treat you accordingly.

But that’s not really the point of my post!

Vung Tau has emerged as a pretty fun town for foreigners looking to get away and throw down some liquor and mack down some girls.  The food is awesome, Be sure to check out David’s Italian restaurant on the waterfront if you’re looking to take a break from Asian food. The dude’s actually Italian and is there every day making home made past, tiramisu and some authentic pizza.

Christmas in Vietnam is surprisingly festive.  Christmas Eve is quite possibly the biggest party night of the year, bars get off on dressing their girls in Santa outfits and there is actually some good deep fried turkey to be found at places like the Black Cat.

After an all nighter watching football, we decided to roll up to Vung Tau on Christmas day.  It was a quick hit as work called but we did manage to get in a few spots.  Here is the agenda I recommend…

Arrive Offshore 2 Hotel & Bar – $25 a night, big clean rooms, swimming pool and a cool bar with a few girls

Rex Hotel Massage – Right around the corner is the Rex hotel.  Let’s just say you can get full serviced satisfaction in a pretty clean, massage type environment.  (200,000 for the massage, 500,000 to 1,000,000 for the service.)  On a cold night in Korea last year we were killing time before the club so we decided to venture into a full service room salon.  Once you achieve that level of relaxation, gaming up civilians becomes much less intimidating.  My boy KDizzle mandating that every night begin as such… nuff said.

Offshore 1 – next door to the Rex is another hotel/bar combo we like.  Same owner as offshore 2, not as nice, but cheaper.  Friday night bbq at 7pm is off the hook, 100,000 VND ($5) for a nice spread.

The 411 on Offshore 1 & 2 – Drinks are pretty reasonable. I buy bottles for around 1,000,000 VND ($50).  You gotta be careful when you buy girl drinks though.  The most economical is to buy the girl bottle which is about 200,000 VND ($10) more but that allows the girls to drink with you.  Otherwise, drinks are anywhere from 50,000 ($2.50) a beer to 175,000 VND ($8.50).  The girls will try to hit you up as that’s how they get paid.  It adds up quick so i suggest going the bottle route or the beer only route.  If you don’t buy girl drinks, you won’t be a popular dude.  The girls aren’t too hot these days (note, it all changes from month to month)  but it’s a great home base, pool tables, create your own music playlists, watch a game on tv… If you want to take a girl out, it’s 200,000 VND ($10) on the weeknights and 300,000 VND ($15) on the weekend.  All this gets you is a date, from there the rest is negotiable.  Some are pay for play pros, other are just looking for love in all the wrong places…

The Red Parrot – 6D Le Quy Don — These days the best talent bar wise is definitely at the Parrot.    As with most bars in VT, there is a pool table, bar seating and lots of girls. The only downside to the Parrot is it’s a bit on the pricey side.  Bottles are about the same as anywhere else but the girl drinks can add up quick.  155,000 VND ($7.50) for a cocktail.  The hot ones will hit you up to get them a bottle of wine which is 1,100,000 VND ($55) to 1,300,000 VND ($65) per bottle. If you want to take a girl out, its a one wine bottle minimum.  Like offshore, that just gets you a date, the rest is negotiable.

We def had fun.  I hooked up with a cute little girl who went into this monologue on how she just wants love and was sad she was alone on Christmas.  She proceeded to tell me that she felt like guys could never trust her because she worked at the bar.  But she was just a normal girl who wants love… I took a look at her see through outfit, ass popping out of her g-string panties that were in full view and though to myself, you may not be a ho, but, you are definitely rocking a ho’s uniform, and that’s confusing (Dave Chappelle).

I ended my night at 5am holding hands with this girl on the beach.  The beach is a trip… Some dude was selling seafood and drinks streetside and he basically set us up a little table and chairs on the beach.  pretty cool… My night ended with a kiss on the cheek and about $200 poorer.

As I dropped her off, I was thinking to myself how much more expensive things are when you opt for romance over pay for play.

Sometimes you’re better off to just Let a Ho be a Ho…

 

Let a Ho Be a Ho — the Ghetto Boys.

There seems to be a lot of mother fuckers blind to the fact

That a ho is gonna be just that

And this type of ignorance is the very

Reason why so many niggas in the goddamned cemetery

Intelligence is on call

You don’t treat a ho like a queen who behaves like a dog

Are you the type who wont put a ho in front of a trigger?

Then you’re a ho assed nigga

Goddamned hound

Pound for pound

You knew the ho when she was fucking the whole town

She fucked you and gave your buddies a blow

But your trick ass fell in love with the ho

Tried to change her, make her be an angel

You keep putting your damn life in danger

Frontin’ niggas about that slutty ass trifling crow

You gotta let a ho be a ho

 

Here’s something that I’d like to know (what?)

Why you take that ho, everywhere you go?

You walk around the club wit’ the ho in front

Tryin’ to keep up with that nasty assed cunt

You say you’re captain, but yo’ ship she’s sinkin’

As soon as you turn your back, the ho is blinkin’

Winkin’ her eye at another nigga

But you got her locked down, so you figure

Ho wears your jewelry every goddamned day,

But nigga, you just got the ho on display

Wouldn’t let her be herself, cause you’s a goddamned wimp

Now you know why hos date pimps

She’s a rhinestone freak 5 days a week,

But you get mad when niggas pop on her ass

Goddamned slutty ho, the bars are loaded

Don’t try to change her

You let the ho be a ho!

 

Shes a ho, (D how the fuck you know?)

Every time I see the ho she’s with a new negro

Shes the type of ho that’s bound

To wear shorts up her ass when your friends come around

Shes the kinda ho that’ll make you cry

The kinda ho you have to call before you come by

So why you wanna kill when she says no more

You ain’t the first to be dumped by a goddamned whore

Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/XJY

Crazy motherfuckers fighting over hos

Stealing for their asses and jumping out of windows

If a ho wants out I let her stank ass go

Cos I’ma let a ho be a ho

 

Spoken:

Willie D:

Now do y’all follow me so muthafuckin’ far?

 

Geto Boys:

Yeah!

 

Akshen:

Hell yeah. I remember I was with this ho named Kim.

Let her use my car. Bitch went to go see another nigga. I damn

near killed that ho!

 

Willie D:

I fucked that ho, man!

 

Akshen:

You a mutafuckin’ lie!

 

Willie D:

I ain’t bullshittin’! Didn’t I, Bushwick and Red?

 

Dj Ready Read:

He went up in that bitch, man!

 

Bushwick Bill:

On the for rilla, my nigga.

 

Willie D:

Akshen, I’m telling you man…

 

I fucked that ho before you even knew her

Made her pussy go brrrrr when I stuck my dick to her

I knew she was a ho the first time I met her

So I got another ho and took them to the other level of the game

Got them high as a kite

And fucked both of those hoes that goddamned night

Then I sat back and relaxed

As they 69ed and ate each others cats

I dropped them off at home

God damn look at this shit my wallets gone

The hoes beat me but I left it alone

And used that shit as a stepping stone

I played it off the next time I saw the hoe

I just laughed and fucked her ass some more

She licked my ass and sucked my balls

And if I see her right now I can get some more

You gotta let a ho be a ho

 

Spoken:

Willie D:

Yeah, buddy. Willie D ain’t gonna let none of these hos

get him down. I ain’t cryin’ or dyin’ over none of you hos. I

ain’t buyin’ you no leather. I ain’t buyin’ you no suede, no

jewelery, no contacts, Lee Nails. I ain’t buyin’ you no hair, no

makeup, food, none of that good shit!

 

Bushwick Bill:

Tell ’em D!

 

Outro:

You gotta let a ho be a ho.

The Kid Who Jacked My Air Hockey Paddle

June 30, 2010 § Leave a comment


Sorya Mall Cambodian Kid

The Kid Who Jacked Me

I think it’s a sign that I’m just not really meant to have kids!  Between my mischievous ways, notorious travel habit, and sense of selfish irresponsibility, it’s probably just not going to happen.  This past weekend, with my friend in town we headed out to Phnom Penh.  The last ten days were just brutal so I really haven’t written as much as I liked.  The ten day agenda went something like this — Angeles City – 2 days, Manila – 2 days – Saigon 3 days (1 day was rest) – Phnom Penh– 3 days.  Each day was somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 shots of vodka (rest days not included).

I did my best to rally hard for Phnom Penh, being the end of the adventure with my friend from the US.  We pretty much hopped every bar on streets 136 and 8 but just ended up at my usual spot, the 69 bar.  I wish i could post my boys pic on line as he literally was getting a 10 hand massage (that’s 5 chicks for those of you still trying to get by 2nd grade math).  I snuggled up with three of the same girls I hooked up with on my last trip.  We bounced around for a bit, ended up back at 69 where I proceeded to bar fine 4 girls for $28 to head to the club.  This time we checked out a “hi-so” club (my local buddy’s phrase for high society) called Platinum.  Bottle of Smirnoff was still only $40.  Other liquor was all pretty cheap as well.  If you’re like me and enjoy clubs and the GFE(girl friend experience) the bar/bar fine/clubbing route is not a bad way to go.

Back to the kid… We were supposed to leave after two nights but the bus was packed and I was seriously hung over after two straight nights with the same agenda.  On the way back to the Lux Riverside, I got a text from a girl by the name of Leak from the Rose bar. After lying in bed for 2 hours motionless, I decided some pizza with her and her sister was a good way to go.  Be forewarned fellas who haven’t traveled much, girls from the bars look a LOT different when you meet them at night than they will when you see them the next day.  Liquor, lighting and make up are a man’s worst enemies when it comes to scouting talent!  We met up with the girls at Sorya mall and got a couple of pies at the Pizza Company.  After that, the girls wanted to head upstairs and play some games.  Another FYI — if you want to make an Asian girl happy, load up your iPhone with a bunch of games, suggest playing games at the mall, and have a nintendo wii back in your room!  It all started out harmless enough with some air hockey.  My friend played Leak’s sister and I just observed.  After the first couple points, a small crowd of kids and adults had gathered around to watch this big ol black dude and tiny little Cambodian girl battle it out.  When it was my turn to play, we got to just a couple points each when the puck slid off the table.  The cute kid in the pic picked it up, set it back down, the proceeded to grab the paddle out of my hand.  I looked across the table and, same same, his homie straight jacked my girl without a word being said… Gangsta.  I thought about throwing down but my head was still buzzing from the night before and i really didn’t want to get my ass kicked by an 8 year old.

Next up was the roller coaster… well, sort of.  The girls talked me into these $4 tickets to some “game” as they called it.  I thought it was some crazy shooter or something and didn’t pay much mind, well, it was a damn roller coaster simulator!  Drinking 8/10 nights and pizza is a BAD combination to pair up with a roller coaster simulator… 3 minutes later I was thanking the powers above that we were on the way back to the hotel to watch TV as she suggested.  3 sessions later, she was headed home in the morning and I was on the way to the car we rented and feeling much better! And… she didn’t even ask me for money!  Amazing, there is love in the world.  Being the nice guy I am I still dropped her a $50 and told her to buy her mom something cool.

Moral of the story, girls will like you a lot more if you actually have fun with them, even if that fun comes at the expense of your man hood being jacked away by an 8 year old!

Manila – Broke My Pocket Book and Much Much more

June 22, 2010 § Leave a comment


cute asian girl

looking for an angel, found the devil

I really wanted to meet normal girls, other than my hot ass receptionist from the hotel named Jewel, so we hit the hot spot known as the Fort which is home to a few high end hot spots like the Embassy night club.  On a Monday night though it was like crickets over there.  We did stop and get a quick drink and some dessert at Cafe Puccini which is some awesome food. I’d been to the Fort a few times before but it had always been on the weekend and always was pleasing to the eye. Sadly, that was before my blogging ambitions so I don’t have much about those nights documented.

Figuring there was no chance to meet a good girl on  Monday night, we decided to head out to Asian Entertainment.  Of course, taxi drivers are the ONLY people who can’t really speak much English in Manila so we ended up at the wrong place! Being the easy going guys we are we decided to try out this Edsa International Entertainment Complex.  For those who have been to Thailand or Singapore, Edsa is very similar to Nana Plaza or Orchard Towers (fondly known as the four floors of whores).  Edsa is a nicer version of the “gogo bar” / mall concept. Three years ago I was so shocked when I first laid eyes on Nana Plaza.  Now, it just all seems normal.  Being my last night in Manila, I definitely wanted to throw down so I started doing double Vodka Soda drinks with two little cuties named Rose and Rita. We popped into 6 or 7 spots and they all are really about the same.  Music is a little different, some are slightly themed, some bigger than others, but at the end of the day, this was really nothing special.  If you want to see a write up on all the bars, this guy seems to have done a pretty good job here.

Eight shots in I was pretty lit and having a good time with my two new friends who, surprise surprise were professing their love to me.  My doubles were running 360 pesos ($7.50 USD) and the girls drinks were 190 Pesos ($4 USD) so my bill was going up pretty quick.  Typically when buzzed i like to talk business so I had my little cutie told me some of their economics:

  1. Girls make $150 a month salary
  2. Girls keep 50 Pesos per drink ($1)
  3. Typical tip is about 100 Pesos ($2.50) — I never tip less than $5 an hour personally…

My boys were both bored so we decided to seek out our original destination. Turns out it was only a few minutes away so our cabby made out with the 100 pesos he was asking for.  The first thing that struck me about Asian Entertainment is they were VERY serious about cameras, taking not only my camera, but all of our cel phones as well. The mommy seemed really friendly at first explaining the various fees, showing us some girls, talking up a storm.  That quickly went south though as after we ordered a bottle and had our first drinks they brought us receipts to sign, one being for 1950 Pesos for a cover charge, which, they neglected to tell us about.  At first I was a bit heated and wasted 7 minutes of my life lecturing the mommy on customer service and full disclosure… TIA though (this is asia) and, at the end of the day, there is little to no service, they are out for the moment not long term business relationships so, you just have to throw your hands up, realize they have you by the balls and you’re about to get fucked.

So, I did what the 48 Laws of Power author Robert Greene recommended, turn your enemy into your ally.  Realizing we were pot committed having opened the bottle already, I pulled the mommy aside, gave her a 500 peso ($10 USD) tip and told her that I understood what she was going through and that I hoped she understood me.  It worked like a charm.  One of my friends was too irritated and went home, 1 bottle later, my other boy and I were lit and mommy was bringing over some of the hottest girls in the place.  Since they took credit cards, it was on… 2 hours, $300 and 1 karaoke room later I was banging this dime and loving every minute of my decision to befriend mommy.  We closed the joint down and mommy (Julie Chavez is her name) hooked us up with her personal cabby who ended up taking care of us through til our 7am flight.

I HIGHLY recommend Asian Entertainment if you have the money to spend there.  The service was amazing.  With a dime on each arm, I didn’t even mind the guy massaging my shoulders then asking for some tip later.

The night ended with me first trying to get a mobile unit from P Burgos to give me a blow job in the cab on the way to the airport.  She agreed for 1000 Pesos ($22 USD) but the cabby was a bit hesitant as it was light out and the cops were out!  I was totally lit still when we rolled into the airport, hitting on custom officials and fellow passengers with no discrimination for age or beauty.

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